Tag Archives: Matthew De Abaitua

Woodstock

The Sex, Drugs and Rock ‘N’ Roll Were Incidental

“Just a very unpleasant camping experience.”
Joseph Coakley, quoted in Woodstock: The Oral History by Joel Makower, Michael Lang

We arrived at White Lake farm in the late afternoon after a dusty hike along back lanes. There were no allotted pitches, nor was the campsite owner there to meet us. Sylvia went to check on the facilities while I hunted out a promising spot to pitch the tent. Summer showers had left the ground soft. The cow field curved down from a ridge into a deep bowl. Further rainfall would turn that lowland into a muddy bog, so I resolved to pitch high on the ridge on the edge of a wood. My first intimation that something was wrong came from Sylvia.

“The facilities are rudimentary,” her expression was grave with foreboding, “the site is filling up, but many of the campers seem ill-equipped.”

A muggy afternoon deepened into a sultry twilight. I gained the ridge, and gazed down. A great crowd was massing around a distant orange haze. I asked Sylvia if she knew what it was. She did not. The night grew cold. I set a campfire and lit it with a single match. All that existed in the world for me was illuminated by the flickering light of the campfire: Sylvia’s strong cheekbones, her chestnut hair tied back, her green singlet dusty from the trail.

“The ground cursed at me. There were lovers under my boots, lovers wrapped in plastic sheeting”

All night, I dreamt of a great exodus, of weary feet tramping. The Indian followed the herds of mastodon and giant buffalo across the ice of the Baring Straits to Newfoundland, and then down through the continent upon a ceaseless ancient quest, the Great Campers who walked the land before us and whose footsteps echoed under the soil.

I woke from this dream, and felt the need to use the facilities. It is a scientific fact that the body expends warmth heating up a full bowel and bladder. As I put on my boots, I was minded of the wisdom of Deutoronomy concerning camp latrines: “Thou shalt also have a place without the camp, whither thou shalt go abroad: And thou shalt have a paddle upon they weapon, and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee.”

I took up my paddle and went out into the woods. The ground cursed at me. There were lovers under my boots, lovers wrapped in plastic sheeting. Under moonlight I saw bodies, bodies everywhere, in fitful, cold and painful sleep. My dream of exodus had come true. As I slept, a mass of people had arrived at the campsite. These child-like half-naked people had done nothing to ease their hardship, not even hollowed out a curve in the ground for their hip bone to rest in.

“What are you doing here?” I asked them.

“We have come for the music,” was their groggy reply.

“But there is no music,” I said.

A bearded naked man disagreed with me. He took me up onto the ridge and pointed to the distant orange glow. “That is where the music is,” he said. “Yesterday, some of my friends went to listen to it. I haven’t seen them since.”

I picked my way through the sleepers and into the woods. I dug a hollow and crouched over it. The tree tops thrashed overhead. Snagged in the branches, broken guy ropes and shreds of flysheet.
Dawn rose upon what I can only describe as the most disastrous camping trip in human experience. As I breakfasted, frying a little ham fat over the fire, our fellow campers hung around in muddy and sodden blankets, as mangy as jackals. Sylvia shared her bread and dripping with them, and they in turn offered her a reefer and a jug of wine. All good campers are abstinent; the discipline required at camp quickly falls apart with excessive libation. She cheerfully refused their offer, but found them friendly and implored me to help them.

The clouds were low and swift. Spiders strengthened their webs. Portents of a storm. A camp needs a captain. The young men responded to my call to action. In no time, we strung up a tarpaulin between the trees. Again they offered us wine and smouldering reefers, as if that was their panacea to all ills. Their friends returned with stories of other goings-on across the campsite. The music, I ascertained, was far out. But the mood was labile, jackknifing from bliss to grinding fear. The barbed wire fences enclosing the campsite had been breached, spilling more ardent campers into our midst, and the mud in the hollow cow field had been churned into a quagmire.

“We must help the people down there too,” said Sylvia. I agreed. We packed a light rucksack with provisions for the day, and a change of dry clothes, and then we set off over the ridge and down toward the orange haze. The camp kitchens had been torched over night, in an act of self destructive delirium. Everywhere the spirit was poised between creation and destruction.

“It’s like a war zone,” gasped Sylvia.

Overhead, a helicopter kept a watchful distance, the violence of its rotor blades matched by flinching and twitching expressions upon the faces of stupefied campers. A trio of nuns passed ahead of us, they too had come to minister to this tragic assembly. I asked the nuns if any campers had died and one of them held up two fingers.

The crowd loitered bovine in the mud. It took hours of apologies to pick our way through them. At last, we reached the orange haze, a rig of lights and a stage, bookended by two towers, tall assemblies of scaffold with a tarpaulin stretched between them. Here, I reasoned, was the source of the music that everyone spoke of. Yet the stage was empty.

The long-brewing storm broke with terrifying vigour, the towers listed and shook, and the tarp – for want of a guy rope – twisted and billowed. The rain raked over the crowd. Sylvia and I, secure in our ponchos and boots, erected makeshift shelters out of the trash strewn upon the earth, plastic sheeting and splintered planks. No sooner had Sylvia and I heaved another improvised bivouac into position than it bulged with cold and weary youngsters. One man refused my offer of shelter. He lifted his dirty face to the downpour, and accepted it as his due.

A toothless clown clambered up on stage. He warned the crowd away from the towers. At last, I thought, someone to take charge of the rabble. I pleaded with my fellow campers to return to their tents and seek shelter. No, they would wait for the music.

“There is no music,” I shouted against the gale.

“You are wrong,” they muttered.

The clown took leave of his senses, and lead the mob into a chant to ward off the rain. Any good camper comes prepared for rain, and should have no need to resort to sympathetic magic. Under foot, the mud liquefied and turned to a foul slick. Camp hygiene was the first to suffer. The site was rank with body odour, and it was apparent, downwind of them, that the facilities had been overwhelmed.

I tried my best to enjoin the spirit of the thing. Against the silence flowing from the stage, spontaneous bands of music makers sprung up; a beautiful woman played the flute accompanied by a shirtless, long-haired gentleman on the bongos. A small crowd danced, the yearning for rapture teetered on the verge of desperation. From the stage, the toothless clown persisted with his announcements, even as the wind tried to blow him away. A messenger crouched beside the clown, and handed up a piece of paper containing further messages, and from the clown’s serious expression, I reasoned there was bad news to come. Behind the stage, at the centre of its own tempest, a helicopter reared over flattened grass, the side doors open, preparing to evacuate the first of the musicians.

Port Eliot festival

This Summer, I will be performing at a few events at the Port Eliot Festival, 23rd to 25th July. As the proud owner of ticket 001 purchased at the first Port Eliot festival, I have long harboured an ambition to perform there. I was booked to talk a few years ago but floods prevented my attendance.
The house at Port Eliot during the festival
For an event entitled We Are Camping, I will wander around the Port Eliot campsite, talking about what camping means, its history, and the radical camping group the Kindred of the Kibbo Kift.

Then I will be taking part in the Idler’s Academy, delivering a talk on How Not To Write.

I will also be hanging around The House of Fairy Tales. I have promised to write a short story with Alice, my daughter, and read it there. The last story we wrote together was auctioned off as part of the Significant Objects project.

The Red Men script handover with Shynola

I met Shynola in the bar of the Phoenix on Charing Cross Road to pick up a copy of their script for The Red Men, delivered within a wrapper embossed with their redesign of the Monad logo. Everything within that wrapper was new to me, as I had no part in the process of turning my novel into a script.

Shynola and Matthew De Abaitua (far right) with the script of The Red Men

Shynola and Matthew De Abaitua (far right) with the script of The Red Men


The Red Men novel is, intentionally, overfull. When writing it, I gave into the pull of another world, and into the dark serendipities of Hackney. An adaptation would have to find its own way through the various layers of reality within the book, and that’s what Shynola have done, making some very clever structural changes to stay true to the intention of the novel, while remapping it for the medium of film.

A script is so changeable. Who doesn’t have notes for the scriptwriter? The form is provisional, built for redrafting, tearing apart, trimming, expanding. Alongside every script, there are shadow scripts, plotlines not chosen, characters deleted; every script has its doppleganger; every script has its Red Man.

What was Drug Porn?

I was being fitted for my wedding suit when Raymond called. I told him that it wasn’t a good time to talk, that I had a tailor attending to my inside leg on a hot day. Raymond ignored me and said: “You promised me that, if I ever really needed it, you would move heaven and earth to help me. Exact words. Heaven and earth. I would have been happy with just one of them.”

Matthew De Abaitua editor of short-lived 1990s magazine Drug Porn

Yes, I remembered a party from our bohemian salad days, sometime in the last century, when I was editor of Drug Porn and arrogant with all the attention that flared around that position


Had I really promised him that? In the memory-lagoons, a flatfish stirred, straining to shift itself free of the mud. Yes, I remembered a party from our bohemian salad days, sometime in the last century, when I was editor of Drug Porn and arrogant with all the attention that flared around that position. I have not forgotten taking Raymond under my arm at the bar. At this time (somewhere between 1994 and 1999, five years of which I have barely two weeks of memories) he was fierce and sharp and wrote fantastically detailed stories about the hilarious catastrophe of his daily life. I could see even then that it would not turn out well for him. With no facility for compromise, and an Essex boy’s contempt for the liberal bourgeoisie, he was ill-fitted for success in the mediasphere.

I tried to pass on some wisdom:
“Never hold a beer and an opinion at the same time.”
“When on a first date, don’t mention that you are out on bail.”
All I had were callous aphorisms, linguistic narcotics, which were the main form of communication in that age of ideas.
If it was the mid-Nineties, then I was wearing a fake fur coat and t-shirt pronouncing my magazine’s logo: a silhouette of a man taking a woman from behind while snorting a line of coke off her back.
We all thought we were very funny back then.
Devising and launching Drug Porn from the back room of my Hackney flat earned me notoriety but no money – at least, not directly. There was a lucrative sideline in minor media punditry and youth consultancy. During the great brand realignment (a recalibration of capitalism’s iconography to accord with the desires of the latest generation) I even found myself nude under a white sheet, hosting ayuascha self–discovery sessions for six marketing managers in a cellar in Clerkenwell. Having communed briefly with the snake god, they all agreed to redesign their brand to more closely resemble a caduceus.

I have copies of the magazine lying around here somewhere – politically correct erotica interspersed with columns on over-the-counter medication (and how to mix it!), ethnovoyeurism on the latest Amazonian entheogen, interspersed with the drug pulp of the era – “Oi you slag I’m raggin’ me tits off” etc. There were always young Oxbridge journalists keen to keep their hand in with seriousness by penning essays on the hedonistic indiscretions of Petronius, Hassan I Sabbah or David Icke. There was always another outrageous ironic joke to crack, another fashionably lackadaisical artwork to feature. With retrospect, the notion of an alternative magazine is as preposterous as an alternative arms manufacturer, or a countercultural oil company. It is a consumerist medium. Hopeless to deny it, really. It was a compromised endeavour from the outset, our outlandish stylings quickly co-opted into the imagery of youth-orientated brands. Even the free tin foil helmets tipped on to our madness issue were sponsored by a video game. As the decade inflated, there was less and less time to put the magazine together and our shock tactics paled in comparison to the kind of things eight-year-old girls were downloading from the internet. The end came when three of the drug-addled junior staff tore the office apart in search of listening devices, convinced we were under surveillance.

The final issue signed off with a valedictory verse called ‘My Nineties’.
My Nineties
Nineteen ninety.
“Do you want one of these?”

Nineteen ninety-nine.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

It must have been sometime during this period that I made my promise to help Raymond.

From an early draft of The Red Men by Matthew De Abaitua

Will Self on Matthew De Abaitua

“The gloom, he says, is likely to be perpetuated by a meeting with his old friend Matthew De Abaitua. The pair lived together in Suffolk in the mid-1990s and Self says each of them attempted suicide on the same day.

“We were both crying for help in separate rooms in the house, so we couldn’t help each other,” he says.

“But you know, we’ve kept in touch… I think more out of guilt than anything else. There’s no love lost between us because there’s no love. Matthew is sick as a parrot, really. He can barely wipe himself he’s so miserable, and as the older and more established depressive, I’ve got some interesting ideas that I think will help everybody in January.”

Read the full article from the Brighton Argus